Scripture:
Psalm 139: 23 - 24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me; And lead me in the everlasting ways."
Observation:
For the reason we are chosen, he know us in and out. Lord knows us deep down and knows us well more then anyone. He created us to be holy in the image of himself. But my anxious thought and the anger in circumstance that cause anger or hate steps be further away from living the holiest life.
I struggle everyday with forgiving my aunts and cousin. For the manipulation of 1 individual for the sake of greed of wealth, that she would destroy family after family, yet playing the role of the innocent by stander. This get me extremely upset, and my mind boils with so much anger and hatred for her and her daughter who is just alike her mother. I realized that I let my anxious thoughts take over and the on going battle of forgiving and accept has lead to hatred and anger for her and her daughter. They are family, but it is difficult. Like the word say, I know this thoughts are the least righteous and far from be holy, and knowing that and not able or to have the will power to over come these feelings of hurt and anger and anxiety does affect me daily.
I get easier irritable with my parents, for suffering through that and yet just let the by gones be by gones. I want more stable punishment instantly, but with lack of power and money, they are unable to pursue anything further but just let them be as crazy and unreal as they can be. My mom is at the point, where she understand my aunts and her family little greed for money and a little lie has been exaggerated and outside of their control, that they have to continue on to pile lies after lies to sustain that image of innocence, but how far will that last? My hurtful heart tells me hopefully not to long, but my righteous heart tell me as long they want, for God will judge them for their actions and words.
Application:
Like my mom and parents, I need little faith and understanding. God is in control, and he will mold me for who I am. He will guide me to direction which he wishes me to follow but at times I will stumble and fail his test. Let me instinct over me, for God know the past, present and future, meaning he knows what I am thinking and will say, he suffers with me and he walks the road of recovery and forgiveness with me. Therefore, I shall clear my heart and head and work to cleanse and mold my heart to renew from this experiences.
Prayer:
Father God, you are such a beautiful and magnificent God. You are taken so much for granted. I thank you for your blessing of abundance and unconditional love for me and my family. Thank you for providing great unity amongst our family and keeping all of safe and healthy in locations we are. Father God, you are the future, present and past, you know my heart and minds more then anyone else. You know what I think and I will say, Father give me the courage to listen to your words in my daily life, that I will not let my anger and anxiety overwhelm me. I will learn to seek your words and live toward those goals. Father I struggle everyday, to forgive those who have hurt my family and I, but I know you are in control and you are the ultimate judge of all my actions and no one else. Lord God, let me actions and actions of my parents and sibling be holy and righteous and bring much glory to your kingdom, despite the struggles of pain we may go through, Father I know you will reward us and you will punish those who do not obey your directions. Give myself and my family the strength to live by your direction, we may find will power in your glory to live day to day in your presences and teaching. In your glorious name Amen!
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