6/17/2012

Scripture: Colossians 2:5 – For even though I am absent in body, nevertheless I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good discipline and the stability of your faith in Christ.

Observation / Application: As human being we acknowledge physical things that we can see, touch and hear. Many of us base our beliefs in scientifically proven theologies. But LORD speaks to us that even though we can’t see him, touch him, and hear him physically he is ALWAYS with us. We need to trust in him and speak to him through prayer, hear him through his words. Yet we witness and hear so many miracles we cannot explain but to say it is work of God. How do we explain the natural beauties of Yosemite Park, there are none but that it is creation of God? Just as we are creation of God, daughters and sons of God, we can manage to grow and be a responsible Christ like adult without God’s physical presences. God has given the foundation and continue to water our roots, and it is an individuals to take the leap of leadership to  listen and take on the journey of life or to put on a ear phone and ignore the calling. For God will find joy and rejoice through our disciplines and continuous effort to sit at the foot of God to listen to his next wisdom and love story.

I have to admit, I need things to be proven or shown for me to take any faith or believe. For the past few months that has been the case. Though I tried to enforce myself to believe that in God we trust all things will be answered, I wondered at times, with family feud that has been going on for past 3 years and others how can I entrust in God when I see absences of actions to give me some glimpse of hope. But it struck me recently that, maybe the smallest doubt in me was preventing me to see the wonders and miracles God has already answered. He is present at all times, but I was too blind to recognize, rather I detour through different roads to find answers. Learning to surrender to him, learning to let God take control of my driver seat of my car is struggle and yet a blessing. It is struggle for me to let lose and let someone else take control when so many circumstances are such a chaos. But when I did and continue to do, I feel this peace and sense of security that all the pieces of puzzles will fall in the right place. I recognize with my health, and my parents. My aunts/uncles are totally blinded by money, and they finally have dug deeper to their grave, to make long story short, my parents have found who seems to be great partnership of lawyers, who has taken consideration of their financial distress and will work around to help them get to bottom of this. After 3 years praying and dealing with their slandering from two aunts and their children, them playing the innocent and victim game is coming to near end, I see that God is providing guidance in my parent’s journey and he is taking control of writing the end to this chapter.

Prayer: Father, Abba you are the father who is the utmost gracious and loving. Though you gave me a Father in this earth, he was not an example and was not much part of my life. But you have continually been maturing me and through so much of ups and downs in my life you have patiently tug me to the right directions. Thank you for your guidance, and thank you for believing me more than I believe in myself. Your mercy is so great and your love is unconditional and unexplainable. Definitely the absence of your body does not lack your love for me and your forgiveness. You have provided for my family in so many ways, you have shield and protected our family from so much damage and pain. Father God, continue to work my parents, siblings and my heart. Continue to feed and nature our roots that we learn to forgive and share our love for the ones who have done harm. Father help us to walk in a straight path, the path you have mapped out for us. Let our hearts not wonder but let us be teachable and coachable to your teaching and continue to hear from you. I thank you and Father Abba, thank you for showing me how to love and love myself. In your holy name Amen.

6/9/2012 - Awake and Inherit

Scripture: For the LORD will not abandon His people, Nor will He forsake His inheritance (Psalm 94:14) - NASB. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. For this reason it says, “Awake, sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:13, 14) - NASB

Observation & Application: For the past few months it has been a challenge for myself mentality, emotional and spiritually. With all the unwanted circumstances and pain surrounding me I wonder in the darkness asking “why?” “Why is this happening to me for what reasons?” This was a dark phase in time when it was dark and I felt like walking zombie in this utopia world where everything was clouded by darkness. I had this imitation of smile and thought of everything was okay, when my demure has definitely been darkened as day passed. I was irritable, I lied to myself, and I punished myself.

During this tribulation, I shared with my BUILD ladies and few friends and family. I am sure that even though I was walking through this dark tunnel even then GOD had showered me with his people to pray and because of the prayers there was a glimpse of light at the end. It was visible, I can so closely reach it feel the sunshine, but it seem so far to reach. It’s just like the verses for my LJ, I know through it all though I had reach rock bottom, yet GOD had never forgotten me, or forsaken me. He did not abandon rather wanted me to wake up from this fictitious utopia world and come to the light, the light was so near and so close of approximately of reach. I didn’t see that or recognize that. I was feeling too sorry for myself with such crazy words like “CANCER” & “FAMILY FEUD” I didn’t want to wake up to face it.

God was ready, he gently and patiently woke me and he showered his love onto me and showed what I can inherit by surrendering onto him. Lift the weight off my shoulder, and that black cloud that was following me, shadowing me was slowly brightening. It was obvious that God love me more then I loved myself, he was and will be there waiting patiently behind my ordeals waiting for me to lift that darkness and reach out to me. That was all he was waiting, gently nudging me to recognize he is there and waiting and will come to carry me when I am too tired to walk. Take me up his arms and walk me near to the light.

This few months has been struggle and to learn to elevate the weights off my shoulder. Truly surrender to God all the way. With my parent’s struggle with her siblings, sibling who are so blinded by greed and wealth that they have lost their path along the journey to God’s kingdom. This definitely has impacted my parents and I along the path, but as the verse say, in time God will bring the truth and then they cannot hide no more. There will be no cloak or white out to redo their mistakes. They cannot brush all their deceits under the rug in hopes of God will turn his cheek and forget.

That is the lesson I have slowly gain and learned through this journey which I started and journey I still continue on with, is that nothing is more glorious then earning the glory of God’s love and grace. No matter how much money or friends you gain it is no comparison to the GOD’s ultimate gift. Drink some coffee and let GOD take control, taking control of driver’s wheel and help me to reach that final destination in a fashionable manner with GOD as my navigational system.

Prayer: Father, magnificent Abba, I praise you for your unconditional love and guidance, despite my resentment and path to darkness, you have never abandon me, but surround me with your people to have hopes of reaching close to that glimpse of light you shine during me darkness. Father God, I pray and thank you for your unconditional blessing upon me and my family. Through such painful, sibling feud, where money has consumed over them, you still help my parent and my family to stay focused, and left you take control, and give thanks. There are so many in this economy that has no choice but to go to the street, but you have provided roof over their shoulder and food to nurture their body during this hardship. Continue to shower them with guidance and your plan of action in this feud. As you are ultimate provider, and all the gifts and blessing comes from you and not made by man. Father God help me to be coachable and teachable that I may continue the journey and surrender to you, love myself as you have love me and forgiven me. Father I ask for your boost of energy to wake and walk to walk and talk the talk you have plan for me. Father God you are truly the ultimate love and grace, I pray and thank you for so much that I cannot accomplish if it wasn’t for you. Thank you million and in your holy and gracious name.